Attachment Parenting

 


TimeStefanie and Lynette open the show discussing the John Travolta lawsuits and their love hate relationship with TMZ. Then the conversation turns to how Lynette believes that Adam may be mad at her. After discussing Adam’s, the conversation turns to some behavioral problems Setfanie has been having with her daughters and her quest to find the right balance of discipline and sanity.

The latter half of the show centers on a discussion of the much reported Time magazine cover featuring a mother breastfeeding her 4 year old son. The discussion floats between breastfeeding and discipline ultimately settling on attachment parenting. Stefanie also has a chance to talk Idol and shares one of her favorite’s with us. Lynette closes the show with a touching tribe to a musician whom she loved that recently passed away.

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Links


Follow Lynette on Twitter @LynetteCarolla and Stefanie @SWilderTaylor

And follow the show @ACEMoms or find us on Facebook at facebook.com/acemoms

Listen to our theme song and more music from The Dilettantes online nimbitmusic.com/dilettantes

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Show Credits


Producer: Gary Smith

Comments

  1. Thank you for this podcast! I completely agree with you guys. I don’t care how other parents choose to raise their kids BUT when it affects MY kid I have a serious problem.

  2. Enjoy your show.

    On staying at home raising kids:

    I got into listening to your show from Adam’s website.

    I am a new demographic for your show – I am a man staying home with my pre-kindergarten daughter because my wife is beginning her teaching career and my career has taken a bump – so we decided it is better for our family for one of us to care for our daughter at home until she goes to kindergarten. My wife studied and stayed home in the early years now it is my turn.

    I am treating my experience with humor – I am doing the HARDEST job in the World(According to Oprah) – my daughter says she is doing the hardest job in the world taking care of her Father until Mommy gets home!

    Friends and neighbors think I am sluffing off- they don’t buy into a man doing the Hardest job in the World!

    I know that my daughter will remember this time as beneficial towards her development.

    Men (and I ) treat staying at home as a job assignment with to do lists and agendas and also as a break from the “rat race”. I am also treating it as a Sabbatical for both me and my daughter to bond – as my prior divorced family did not allow this as much.

    Life is Good.

    Love the show – Keep up the good work.

  3. I never understand why people (especially women) need “validation” from their careers.

    You should get a paycheck and “security” and the satisfaction of completing a task from your career but you should look for validation from your loved ones at home.

    I heard Lynette say this when commenting on working women and I wondered if this was just an American female thing.

    I wonder if anyone else believes this to be true.

  4. As a child psychologist and a mom, one of the things that is so misleading about attachment parenting is the name. It is only called attachment parenting because of the theory it was based upon. It is not called this because it is the only form of parenting which allows parents to develop a secure attachment relationship with their children. There are numerous ways to develop a secure attachment relationship with our kids. I explore more of this myth here for anyone who is interested:
    http://www.themommypsychologist.com/2012/04/15/what-does-the-mommy-psychologist-have-to-say-about-attachment-parenting/

  5. Ryan II says:

    This show is clown shoes, muy ridiculo.
    my nanny is being undermined by another parent
    do parents have gluten free concerns outside of LA
    People elsewhere aren’t as tolerant of breastfeeding. I read facebook comments that said,” gross” obviously they were comments from people outside of LA.
    Both parents have to work outside of LA
    The clumsy wind down

    Poor half tard, he wishes he could be full tard for just an hour a week.
    I wish we could get internets, technology, or even modern medicine out here in fly over land.
    Until then I look forward to the Pony Express dropping off Adam’s new word book, hot off Gutenberg’s press thing.

    • I am in upstate NY and we have gluten free shit here. check yourself bro

      long time listener. just decided to talk

  6. Yes Lynette – Teacher Appreciation WEEK is going on in Wisconsin. Last week was Teacher Appreciation Week at my daughter’s daycare/preschool – fun stuff for the teachers everyday and then they were off on Friday to cap it off. :)

    • I don’t believe MAW’s “Preschool – daycare center” hires Professional Teacher’s with Four Year Degrees with the appropriate Accreditation and Certification.

      Those Daycare employees are called Babysitters.

      Our society has watered down the teaching Profession by calling anyone who stands in a “classroom” a teacher.

      I would also assume that MAW’s Daycare Employer did not compensate the “teacher” for the Friday “day off”. Which really was probably a day without pay.

      These are my assumptions and I could be wrong – but I doubt it.

      Again good comments and Podcast .

      • An Onny says:

        As a former preschool teacher myself, you’re right in that they don’t need B.A.s or accreditation. A two year A.S. degree in Child Development or Early Childhood Education lets you be a lead teacher in a preschool classroom. A teacher’s aide can pretty much get away with 6 or 12 units of E.C.E., but they are not allowed to be with the kids on their own without a qualified teacher there as well.

        It might not be “teaching” the kids algrebra, but yes, we do teach. Stuff to build on like socialiazation skills, pre-reading skills, pre-math skills, and so on. It takes some skill to get a bunch of 3 or 4 year olds focused on, say, what you’re reading to them, despite how easy you think it is.

        And the last place I worked I did get one paid day off per month, but I’m sure not all places do that.

        • I think you missed my point and/or tone.

          I was disagreeing with Lynette complaining that there was a Teacher Appreciation Week and that you should celebrate Teachers and that they probably are not paid a whole lot – so give them a break.

          I was also making the point that Daycare/Nurseries/Preschools were designed for the working Mother to have their kids babysat prior to entering Public Kindergarten and that Babysitters should not be called “Teachers” if they are not teaching to a standard and being evaluated.

          I grow weary of everyone giving professional titles to employees without certifications and degrees. Just because you work at a daycare or school does not give you the right to call yourself a Teacher without the Bachelor Degree and Teacher Certification.

          Thank you for the Podcast .

          Regards

      • Actually no Ken you are incorrect. Our daycare has minimum two year degree teachers but the majority are 4 year degrees in Early Childhood education. So HARDLY glorified babysitters.

        And furthermore they did NOT get the day off without pay. They were paid a full as they were expected to join in the brunch and celebratory day.

      • A) I don’t care if the teacher only has a high school diploma–YOU try running a classroom of twenty 4 year olds.
        B) You will find the above highly unlikely Many many daycare teachers have Bachelor’s and even Master’s degrees.

        • I think you missed my point and/or tone.

          I care in our modern American Society that if you call yourself a “Teacher” then you must have the Accreditation.

          You may be surprised that some States allow charter schools to employ “Teachers” with just a Bachelors Degree and NO Teaching certification.

          And many Daycare facilities do not employ accredited employees “Teaching” American preschoolers.

          Thank you for the Podcast .

          Regards

          • Betsy, the community pool was alywas a good place for us to start free range parenting, since there were so many other moms and dads to kinda keep an eye on things. It’s good for the kids to get to experience some independence and responsibility. How it turns out (very well in this case) is a reflection on the values you and Chris instilled in them.

    • i would fucking beat the shit out of him who the fuck lets go of theyr own kid to grab a ball????? wtf . I hope the litle girl is okey and as for that loesor daddy..grow the fuck up and respect your doughter more than a fucking game!

  7. Mom in Thailand says:

    I think every parent has their ideals about how they will raise their children before they have them and then how they actually raise them. Sometimes it matches up, sometimes it doesn’t. I like alot of things from the attachment parenting philosophy because it seems natural, the way women have been raising their babies for thousands of years (I say women because in most cultures it IS the women doing it). Although I don’t refer to myself as an attachment parent I have utilized a lot of the techniques because they made my job as a parent easier, not because I was trying to stick close to some particular ideals. I wore my baby because it kept her from crying and helped her sleep (strollers just didn’t work for us and frankly I found it easier to wear my child like an accessory then deal with baby equipment). My toddler still sleeps with us most of the time because it lets me get the rest I need (I’ve never suffered from sleep deprivation because I didn’t physically get up for night time feeds- I can sleep right through them!). I’ve nursed my child into toddlerhood because it comforts her and nourishes her and she’s not quite ready to give it up. I had natural childbirth because I wanted to. I suppose I fit into the ‘hippy dippy’ category in a LOT of ways but I also discipline my daughter and expect a lot from her in terms of behavior.

    I think the show came across as downing attachment parenting although I think the main point was supposed to be “Do it the way that works for you” and “Don’t judge’. There are just too many factors out there. I realize for you two attachment parenting seems like a lot of work but for me it made motherhood much easier (though I suspect throwing twins into is a different story!). And I actually think that’s what most of us are trying to do- make it work for us. Some people may just like to preach it because they think if it’s best for them, it must be best for everyone else.

    BTW I love the show. I’ve listened from the very start, through all of Lynette’s various co-hosts. The show has constantly improved and some of your most recent shows have really hit home on topics of marriage and relationships with children and disciplining. I love the honesty- keep it up!

  8. Lynette I admire your effort & determination to make sure that your children understand that when you say something you mean it, and that there are consequences to their behavior, good and bad. Good parenting is like virtually everything else in life of real substance and lasting value….it demands effort over an extended period of time, often requires doing what you don’t feel like, resisting the easy road, perseverance, tenacity. You know, those words that used to characterize Americans in general (until we let the left monopolize public education, the media & entertainment industry). The greatest demonstration of parental love (aside from the supreme Christian example of laying down your life for another) is doing what you know is best for your kids no matter how inconvenient or how much work is involved. It is NOT being their buddies. It is establishing rules & boundaries & structure within an atmosphere of love. Children are not stupid. They easily and instinctively evaluate the effort you put into raising them.

  9. Loved the Beasties. I keep hearing that looped awesome Led Zeppelin riff from the song The Ocean. The Beasties knew what to sample and where to place it. Great.

  10. We had teacher appreciation WEEK as well in Northern CA and the 25 emails reminding us what to bring daily & asking parents to provide lunch everyday drove my husband & I insane! Now just a week later, we are being asked to donate $ to buy an end-of-year gift for the teacher. They want it in an envelope with your child’s name so they know who donated funds. I get that teaching is tough & they don’t always make the $ they feel they deserve, but they chose this profession & get paid for doing their job! Who starts this shi#?

    • WHO STARTS THIS SHI#?

      It all started when American Consumerism created the need for both Parents to work outside the home.

      Parents then farmed there “teaching” responsibilities to Educators because of the work schedules.

      Most educators I know would APPRECIATE you preparing your kids each day with a nutritious meal in the morning, enough sleep at night , and a good moral compass for them to learn in a professional environment along with working on HOMEWORK with your children.

      People complaining about Teacher Appreciation Week is like complaining about Mother’s Day!!!

      Keep up the good work everyone – excellent Podcast to talk about these issues.

    • Heather says:

      I agree Tia! My mom is a speech pathologist and sees 40+ kids a week and she might get a few gifts at the holidays and end of the year but she does not expect it. She’s been in the field for 25+ years– she knows what to expect and doesnt expect that. She loves her job, for the little pay, but loves her job. If/when I ever have kids, this PC has prepared me for all the B.S. I’m giving a wrong email/cell/home address to other parents. Just listening to these stories drives me nuts– I cant believe the issues w/ parents and parenting and issues with school. Some say it takes a village to raise a kid but I say it takes this podcast and Lynette “fuck that shit– I’m not doing that.” Well said– well said. :-)

  11. Someone please force Lynette to watch PHILIP PHILLIPS on the AI finale!! Last week, Steven Tyler said he could be a new age BOSS – I would love to hear Lynette comment on this during the next podcast…

    LADIES, COME TO THE IRVINE IMPROV WITH ACEMAN!

  12. Kirsten says:

    Hi there,

    One of the best things a friend of mine said to me was, “All parenting is attachment parenting!”

    If you’re paying attention, it’s all about attachment. To call your particular style of parenting “Attachment Parenting” implies that the rest of us are practicing “Detachment Parenting.” Really…?

    My other fave is “Child-Guided Parenting.”

    Best,

    Kirsten

  13. Mrs. Fuller says:

    Always love my time with team ‘For Crying Out Loud’. Thank you for every week!
    Seems to me we should have Pod Cast Team Appreciation Month –
    Anyone have any ideas?

    • Alyssa GF says:

      All the listeners should buy something from one of their sponsors each day of the week. Monday – Amazon, Tuesday – Red Envelope, Wednesday – ProFlowers, Thursday – Sherries Berries and then have Friday off to just celebrate For Crying Out Loud in our own way. Teacher Appreciation week is a nice gesture but can be insane.

  14. I listened to this podcast the other day and really liked what you guys had to say. I will tell you that I live in NC and we do have teacher appreciation week at preschool and there is tons of pressure on moms to breastfeed and stay home with their kids here.

    On teacher appreciation week: Ours was almost exactly as Stefanie explained. We were sent home on Friday with a sheet of paper listing what sorts of appropriate gifts to bring for the teachers on each day of the following week. Monday-treats, Tuesday-flowers, Wednesday-relaxation/spa type gifts, Thursday-cards made by the kids, and Friday was ‘fill their basket’ day. They set up little bags by the front door for us to drop their gifts into. I think it is crass and if I were a teacher I’d be a little embarrassed by it. But, I went along with most of the days getting a little something each day for the teachers so I didn’t look like an ass to the teachers.

    On breastfeeding: There is huge pressure here to breastfeed. I breastfed my first and am currently breastfeeding my 6 month old. But, I wish I had access to the opinions of open minded moms like you guys when I had my first. I think I still would have nursed her. But, I wouldn’t have put so much pressure on myself and felt so much guilt when I didn’t make enough milk for her and had to supplement with formula. All I heard from people was ‘breast is best’ and that everyone should be able to breastfeed etc…etc… and it made me feel like a big failure at the time. Although, now with my son I do not feel guilt for having to supplement him. A lot of the reason why it is easier this time is because I am ignoring the negative and listening to more positive influences like you guys.

    On working/staying at home: I work 4 days per week and my kids go to daycare/preschool center. I feel guilty about it sometimes. But, I need to work for my family so I do it. I can’t say that I like my work or that I want to be there to be satisfied. I get personal satisfaction from my home. But, I do like the security that working allows for me and my family to have. So for that reason it is not a choice.

    P.S. I personally think that it’s fine for that woman to feed her kid until he’s 3. Who cares. But, I think Time really should be shamed for sensationalizing it and for photographing the kid in a way that makes him look older than he actually is. When I first saw the picture I thought he was 5+ years old, not 3.

    • An Onny says:

      Agree! What was with the camouflague outfit on the kid, trying to dress him like a 19 year old? If you’re going to baby a kid for that long, at least put him in a little shortall set adorned with a cute little duckie or elephant on the front, ha ha.

  15. Loved the show on attachment parenting. Stephanie, at one point you asked if dr. Sears was well intentioned. I completely think he is not well itentioned. As a matter of fact I think he, his wife, and hs website are very judgy. I recently spent time there researching sleep issues my 7 month old was having. The only suggestion given for how to help her was to let her sleep with me and nurse all night. Being a working teacher the safety of my students was at risk if I were to do that. Plus how safe is it for my baby to sleep with me? My husband or I could roll on her or she could roll off of the bed. Not my style. The website made me feel like a bad mom until I realized that his theories are not fit for a working mom. I’m not a bad mom I am a working mom. I don’t care what other moms do, but as Stephanie said it really seem elitest and That is what bothers me the most.

  16. Roxeanne says:

    I am a second grade teacher in Anaheim, which is in Southern California. I teach in a low income area. Our PTA consists of less than ten parents. There are no room parents and very few volunteers. There is no Teacher Appreciation Week at my school. The PTA provided lunch for us one day and that was it. And that was fine with us teachers. All we want is for students to come to school prepared and for parents to support us.

  17. Heather says:

    I think your show with Mayim Bialik was one of the best ever, get her back as someone who can present good, solid information on attachment parenting. And shame on TIME for that cover, it had nothing to do with the article about Dr. Sears.

  18. I live right in the middle of Illinois.We have a full week of teacher appreciation.

    • omg. bad parenting by both. the faethr obviously deserves a slap on the face. the mother deserves a slap too imo because she didnt look worried or concerned when her daughter fell, not even a bit.

  19. I just wish Time mag would have used a more accurate model of a typical breastfeeding mom, the kid wouldn’t have needed a stool if you get my drift…

  20. if he were really tyring to prevent his kid from getting hit, he’d hold her closer and away from the ball and shield her with his body. as for the mom, she’s actually furious. being asian, like i am, our faces can be inscrutable but i KNOW he’s so going to be smacked down. besides, she can’t hit him because she has a sleeping baby. look at her eyes and the way she was speaking to the guy. the guy knows he;’s going to be in major trouble. and everyone knows that, including the commentators.

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